Johnny the homicidal babysitter
by python is good
Summary: a little goofy story I had started years ago when I was just getting introduced to the comics. Thank god I improved this thing


A/N: All characters belong to Jhonen, except for the unidentified girl

'Johnny the Homicidal babysitter

"Oh shit.."

"What is it, dear?"

"The babysitter we hired got decapitated and I don't who else can baby sit Todd."

Mr. and Mrs. Casil were frustrated. They only made a commitment with her and no one else in advance in case something happened.

"Looks like we'll have to call off going to that casino. I was so hoping that we could get money for a vacation in Cancun and attend that Porn N Heroin festival " Mrs. Casil sighed.

Then, a quiet voice from the window commented, "Perhaps I can help."

The couple turned and were horrified to see a dark clothed man crouched on the window sill with his fingers digging into the old, darkened wood. He had shifty eyes matted hair with bangs that hung in front of his forehead, and a shirt that displayed a stick figure with an bloodied axe in its head.

"W-Who the hell are you!" Mr. Casil demanded

"My name is Johnny." The man replied quietly

"Isn't he that demon thingy Squee hangs around with?" Mrs. Casil whispered.

"Nah, he's that freak who visits the kid at bedtime."

Johnny raised an eyebrow suspiciously and asked, "What did you just say?"

"Huh? Oh, eh, Ah, fine you can go ahead and watched Squeegee for tonight. We're sick of the kid anyway," Mr. Casil replied as he put an arm around his whorish wife and proclaimed, "Come on, babe, let's get outta this shithole." And with that, they were gone in almost a minute

Johnny watched the car pull away in annoyance and then called "Hey Squee, It's me, Johnny." He could hear the little boy's gasp and quiet footsteps coming towards him and in about three seconds, the six year old, paranoid boy was standing right in front of him, quivering with fear

"Hi there squeegee. " Johnny then greeted with a pat on the head

"Um.. H-hi,. Where's mommy and daddy?" Squee asked quietly as his wide eyes shifted around the wretchedly ugly main hall.

"Oh, they went out for a while," he replied with a slight grimace, "but they'll be back. Are you hungry?"

Squee nodded "Yeah, a little."

"Then I'll fix us some skettios!" Nny exclaimed happily bounding into the kitchen.

"What about macaroni and cheese? There's still some in the cupboard that's still good" Squee asked with a hint of discomfort in his voice.

"Bah! That tastes like poo! Do you have any skettios?" Nny replied as he looked through the cupboards, sending the likes of old strawberry preserves and kosher salt containers crashing to the floor.

Squee shook his head as he ducked a flying glass jar. "No, we don't really by them."

"Arr.. Stupid beings," He sighed as he leaped off the counter, "looks like we have to make a trip to the supermarket!" and with that, he picked Squee up in his arms and dashed off to his car

Once at the listless, plastic- like structure known as Glut-O-mart, they headed straight for the canned foods section and the skettios were straight in front of them. Johnny was about to grab a can when he heard a voice shout, "Hey! I though freaks like you only hung out in haunted houses!" His eyes slowly turned to see a girl with shoulder-length black hair, badly applied purple lipstick, and a shirt that read "Don't judge me" leaning against one of the shelves inhaling a cigarette.

Johnny raised an eyebrow as he began to reach in his pocket for his small, yet trust knife.

"Oh really? You know, it's quite ironic that your t-shirts announces that you don't want to be judged yet that giant mouth of yours has no trouble calling random people 'freaks'."

"Well, whadya gonna do then? Kill me?"

He motioned to Squee to cover his eyes and then turned to her with a wicked grin.

"Precisely."

In about three seconds, the store was in pandemonium; the police were called in, but Johnny and Squee got out just in time.

"Sorry about that," Johnny apologized to a now trembling boy when they were in the car, "but you know how it is."

By the time they got home and ate supper, it was about time for Squee to go to bed.

"I want to hear a story." Squee then asked.

"All right, let's see." Johnny muttered trying to think up one on the spot. After much hemming and hawing, he finally had it

"Once there was a man named happy noodle boy, he was quite different from other people. He preached about random things like pie, trees, and pianos. He didn't

like people very much and tried to help them understand how inferior they were.

One day, Happy noodle boy was shouting about phallic mud sandwiches when someone threw a rock at him, he leaped at the person and strangled him to death, others began shouting and throwing things, he strangled them too, eventually, he killed them all and kept on shouting. The end. So, what'd you think?"

"It was weird." Squee replied in a confused manner

" Well, it's bed time, unless you want to watch television for a bit." O Johnny offered.

Squee yawned and rubbed his giant eyes. "No, I'm sleepy."

"Okay, come on." Nny whispered as he led Squee to his bed.

Squee climbed into bed and Nny tucked him in.

"Everything okay, Squeege?" he asked.

"Uh huh" He replied quietly as he snuggled under the soft covers

"Great, want me to stay by you till your parents come home?"

"Yeah, I get scared easily. Thanks."

Johnny kept a watchful eye on the house until the parents returned a half-hour later.

"Dear god! What are you doing here!" Mr. Casil screeched as his wife proceeded to collapse into a drunken, twitching heap on the floor

"Er, you hired me as your babysitter, remember?"

The father paused at this and scratched his head. "Oh right! Eh, fine. Just take this damn buck and get outta my site!" he then hastily replied, seeming quite impatient as he held out a crumpled one dollar bill.

Johnny sighed irritably as he snatched the money and walked out and made himself promise that he'd never attempt a job at child caring again.


End file.
